Wednesday, September 20, 2006

A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a pub in Dublin, orders three pints, and takes them off to a quiet corner table. He sets the pints in front of himself and proceeds to take a drink from each one. He repeats this until all three pints are finished.

The bartender approaches him and says, “You know Paddy, I can bring you a fresh pint after you drink one. You don’t have to sip all three like that.”

Paddy looks up and says, “Oh no, this is how I always drink me pints. You see, many years ago, me two brothers left Ireland, one for America, and the other for Australia. We promised each other then that we’d continue to have a pint together every night despite the great distance between us. So I order one pint for me, and one for each of me brothers. And I drink with them!”

The bartender smiles and says, “Ah, Paddy, that’s a fine tradition you have there.”

For the next several weeks, Paddy continued to come into the pub each evening to “share” a few pints with his brothers.

Then one night he walks in, looks at the bartender and says, “I’ll have just two pints tonight.” The bartender is confused, then saddened. A hush falls over the bar as the patrons realize that Paddy surely had lost one of his brothers.

The bartender brings the two pints to Paddy’s usual table and says to him, “Paddy, we just want you to know that we are all deeply sorry for your loss.”

Paddy looks up, puzzled. Then he smiles and says, “Oh no, you’ve got it all wrong. Neither of me brothers died. It’s just that I’ve gone and joined the Mormon Church and I can’t drink anymore!”


Jennifer said...

If you want people to see you as Equal and Normal and not mock your decisions, why do you constantly mock the Mormons? Does your view of tolerance only go one way?

Chris said...

I would like all of my Mormons readers who were offended by this joke to raise their hands, please. I've told this joke dozens of times and have for years, including when I was an active Mormon. Truly, if there was ever a time when no offense was intended, this is it!

I do not shy away from criticizing Mormon doctrine, culture or the institution of the LDS Church, but I do not mock Mormons--and if you or anyone else think I am "mocking," I invite you to point that out to me. (Except for this joke, because, really, it's not meant to harm or insult Mormons at all. Now, if you're Irish, then maybe we should talk.)

Scot said...

Yeah Chris, enough of your constant mocking already.

I think I first heard this joke from my father-in-law, a very faithful LDS member and past bishop. Maybe it’s a bishop thing?

Still, count me as 1/8th offended, for my Irish blood.

jennifer said...

This joke basically mocks Mormon activities - or the lack thereof. It would be exactly the same for me to say:
"How do you fit 4 homosexuals on a barstool? - turn it over"
It mocks homosexual activity. I guess if you are ok with both jokes, then there isnt a problem.

Chris said...


The barstool joke offends my comedic sense, but not my homosexual one. It's just not that funny. ;-)

Truth is, I always thought of this as an Irish joke rather than a Mormon one. The point--and I will go ahead and spell it out--is that the guy kept on drinking even though he had become a Mormon because he's Irish!

Scot, your Irish blood shouldn't be offended since the Irish readily acknowledge their love of drink. Besides, I have immunity on Irish jokes since I have a little bit of Ireland flowing in me as well. :)

Anonymous said...

jennifer: get a life!

David said...

It must be exhausting to be so easily offended.

D-Rock said...

Life is just better when you can laugh at even those things that you hold so sacred to your heart. I think it shows true comfort and security in your decisions. I've loved that joke for years, Chris. One that has been told and retold at many a Mormon family reunion.

Gay LDS Actor said...

I've heard this joke from many a Mormon, both active and non-active. I don't find it to be mocking. I find it to be humorous. One thing I find so sad (about many different people, not just Mormons) is their inability to laugh at themselves. For crying out loud, we're a "peculiar people." If anything, we should be flattered by the joke.

I guess my advice to Jennifer is stop taking yourself so seriously. It's exactly that quality that makes my non-Mormon friends feel that many Mormons don't even have a sense of humor.

cate said...

Jennifer, this joke is not exclusive to Mormons. Would you be offended if the patron were a Baptist? I wouldn't be.

David, well put :)

Anonymous said...

How did I miss this post until today? Unbelievable!

I'm not good at jokes, but here's a similar one. An Irish guy has a few drinks at a bar and halfway through one, the bartender sheepishly leans over and says, "Hey, buddy. There's a fly in your drink." The Irishman becomes instantly livid, jumps to his feet and picks the fly out by its wings. The bartender braces for the worst, but the Irishman only scowls, looks at the fly and screams, "Spit it out! Spit it out!"