Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Coming Out, Part II

Yesterday, my best friend wished me a happy first day of the rest of my life. I am now almost completely out of the closet. As I was walking to my therapist's office today, it struck me that there is no one that I would hide my sexuality from any more. My mother and I had a wonderful conversation tonight. The final frontier is a conversation with my dad and coming out more widely at work.

The sense of liberation is so empowering.

This morning I was riding a ferry boat across the Hudson River from New Jersey to my office in Manhattan, and as I did I had this overwhelming feeling of God's love. As powerfully as I have ever felt it, the Spirit whispered to me that I am on the right track and that I am doing the right thing in my life. I felt certain that coming out and starting over is the best thing not only for me, but for K and for our girls. I have been touched by the many messages of love and support I have received over the past few days, but nothing was quite as touching, affirming and validating as a note from a graduate school friend of mine, who wrote in part:

I hope you won't think me presumptuous, but as a relatively new father I couldn't help thinking about your kids last night. And it struck me that you and K, in a very basic way, have essentially saved their lives. Not their physical lives, obviously, but their emotional, mental and even spiritual lives. I've come to think more and more that secrets and an inability to face the truth (even truths far less important than one's sexuality) in relationships and families is like a toxin that if allowed to remain destroys everyone connected to it. I think you've done a wonderful job of flushing the toxin out - as a long run proposition I can't think of a greater gift to children than to provide them with an environment that is so safe and true. I'm humbled when I think of your accomplishment.
I'm humbled by his love and support and his recognition that accepting myself and coming out as a gay man is a gift not only to myself, but to K and my daughters as well.

4 comments:

Dave Walter said...

Ah, what a wonderful time this is for you. I'm happy for you.

Elbow said...

I couldn't agree more. I'm so happy for you. What an amazing journey.

A Troll At Sea said...

So glad you're glad.

Blaze the trail.

The
Troll

Dare said...

Coming out was one of the most profound experiences of my life, right up there with being present at the birth of my children. Savor this time. It’s important. And if you can, try to use it as a springboard towards a deeper understanding of all aspects of yourself.