Saturday, February 25, 2006

The story of a hurricane

In September of 2005, I told my wife that I am gay. We had been married a little more than ten years.

Like many closeted gay men, I spent considerable psychological energy over the years trying to deny my sexuality. For a long time, I was as successful as one can get in such an endeavor. No one knew I was gay -- not my wife, not my family, not my parents, not my friends. I knew, but I couldn't admit it to myself. I couldn't be gay. Being gay didn't fit with the life I had envisioned and then built for myself. So just as New Orleans protected itself from floods and storms with a complicated system of levees and dams, so too did I protect my life from my homosexuality with a complicated system of emotional levees and dams.

A series of events over the course of 2005 led to the collapse of my levee-and-dam system and shortly after Katrina hit New Orleans, a perfect storm hit my personal life and I hit rock bottom. On September 17, just a couple of days after going to a therapist for the first time to discuss my homosexuality, I sat down with my wife and told her that I am gay. And with that, the city that was my former life was flooded and completely underwater.

My wife's compassion and acceptance was the first step in cleaning up. We've drained the the flood waters and have found that not all of the city left behind can be rebuilt. Some structures will have to be torn down. Some survived, but will have to be transformed -- including my relationship with my wife. New parts of the city will be built and allowed to flourish rather than be shut off behind another system of emotional levees and dams.

This blog will chronicle the rebuilding effort, which is already well underway.


Elbow said...

I love that you have a blog now!
If anyone should be writing it's you.
Thank you for your last email, and of course thank you for your invitation to talk and hang out. I will definately take you up on that.
You are a blogger that I sincerely want to hear from, I want to read what you have to say, and I appreciate any information about your experience that you can give. We are so similar in a lot of ways and I like knowing that there is someone out there who knows what I am going through.
Your first post was very powerful and I expect many many more important and amazing posts to come.
Thanks again. I look forward to speaking with you soon.

-L- said...

Is it just part of being gay and mormon to be so talented? I'm impressed with all the gay mormon blogs I've seen, but I'm particularly amazed at how compassionate you are and how eloquent. I try to be all deep and inspiring on my blog, but it's mostly just cheesy! Your post here is really nice.

Since my wife knew what she was getting into, so to speak, when we got married, mine has been a different experience. Does your wife blog? I keep wondering where all the women are in the gay married mormon blogosphere. (that is to say, the wives of the gay mormon bloggers, not necessarily the lesbians who I'm sure also have interesting stories to tell)

Foxx said...

When I saw the link to your blog on Elbow's blogroll, I got very excited! I echo Elbow when I say that I love that you are blogging!Thank you for your perspective on the blogs I've been following; I look forward to reading about your life.

Chris said...

Thanks, brethren. Working on my next blog post now...

Dave Walter said...


You're such an asset to the gay Mormon bloggin gcommunity. Your blog is going to be a wonderful place for folks to gather.


Anonymous said...

I am perplexed by the tenor of the blogger's comments re his account of informing his wife that he is homosexual. He seems to suggest that he has started on a path that irrevocably leads him away from any notion of a hetersexual lifestyle. Therapist Floyd Godfrey of Mesa, AZ and Evergreen have successfully counseled many a struggler to understand the genesis of his homosexual feelings, address the relevant factors and revive his heterosexual feelings. If that is the path that Hurricane wants to explore, he should vigorously investigate. Signed, a fellow struggler